Just as I am
I’ve been needing quiet time, but lately time's been smothered by responsibilities that came out on top. And they’re still there but the kids are in bed, my husband is in another state tonight and I’m bundled up under a blanket on the sofa and am playing and listen to George Winston on Pandora as an instrumental piano piece of the classic hymn “Just As I Am” starts to play.
I knew the tune but I was compelled for some reason to search for the words written by a women in 1835. “Just as I am…thy blood shed for me…Just as I am fightings and fears within, without…Just as I am thou will receive, will welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve…Just as I am, thy promise I believe…Oh Lamb of God, I come, I come."
Oh Lamb of God, I come? Just as I am?
Just as I am on this boat of life where some days are a smooth ride but there are often days that make me seasick with stress and my head feel dizzy.
But I’m on this boat with one eye blind and the other eye seeing God’s Spirit calling out to this new generation to step out of the boat into the ocean.
Am I on the right boat, though? Should it be the one staying tied to the dock or is it the boat that leads out to the ocean deep where my faith is told to stand?
Then this song surfaces.
“And I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am yours, and you are mine. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” (Oceans by Hillsong)
A couple of weeks ago at church, I had an impromptu breakfast with a woman I respect. I was telling her all the responsibilities I’ve loaded “in my boat” and wondering if it’s going to start sinking if I put anything else in it. Yet, for some reason I still felt restless about something. Is there something else or something different God wants me to do? Or maybe the question is “Am I on the right boat?”
My friend then said, “As believers, we’ll always have a feeling of restlessness with the longing to see him face to face in heaven.”
Afterwards, it's like a wave comes over me and I hear the quiet voice of the Spirit say,
“You’re doing what I’ve planned for you to do right now. That’s where I want you today. I want you to feel a little restless so it’ll remind you of Me so we’ll stay in communion with each other. Listen, then obey, when I tell you that I want you to do something different or new. Each day has purpose. It may be to have extra grace on your children one day. It may be to call a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time. Another day it may be to take another big step of faith away from that boat into the ocean to go for a dream you never thought possible. Trust I’ve got things under control as I bring you closer to Me.
Be. Just. Who. You. Are.
While explaining My promises to your children – be just who you are.
While you’re telling your co-worker who doesn't go to church about a Christian song you heard on the way to work and why it spoke to you a special way – be just who you are.
While you’re having to ask a friend for her forgiveness – be just who you are.
While you’re in a group and are expected to share your thoughts even though you’re too scared to – be just who you are.
While praying to Me – be just who you are.
While encouraging others – be just who you are.
While spiritual restlessness is still simmering in your soul – be just who you are.
While waves of fightings and fears within and without arise - be just who you are.
Be just who I created you to be.
Because I AM.
For I AM yours, and you are mine.
I say to you, “Don’t be afraid…for I have called you by name; you are mine.”
The melody is so sweet to hear you sing, Just as I am when you surrender yourself. I’ll take you deeper than your feet could ever wander” on your own.
God is singing those words to each of us:
"Don’t be afraid…for I have called you by name; you are mine.”
Can you hear them? Are you making time to listen for them? Will you ask God to whisper those words to you?
I am yours and you are mine.